This weeks column will go deeper into the realm of Understanding than even you, my most loyal readers, ever dreamed possible. This week, the Love Doctor is going to share some very heavy duty wisdom with you. As one who has grasped the significance of historical events and their impact on our relationships, I will attempt to share with you in this column how one historical change in lifestyle has made it more difficult to maintain a relationship. You will be amazed at how deep I am this week.
Many of you have reached a dangerous point in your relationships. Some of you will soon reach this point and others have already suffered through the pain and agony without understanding why it happened. I am writing about that point in a relationship where you, as a couple, seem to "have it made". You've struggled to become established. You've struggled with your jobs. You struggled getting your home and furnishings together. Its strange, but now that life is getting easier, it also seems like your relationship is beginning to fall apart.
You are at that dangerous point, I call "Loss of Common Cause." This is that point in a relationship when the only interest that you, as a couple, have left in common are sex, gossip and the children. You know that you are in trouble if all of your conversations are about the kids and what other people are doing (sex is usually not a topic of conversation in most homes). If this sounds like your house, thank God for the Love Doctor. You should stop whatever you are doing, right now (you don't have a minute to lose) and finish reading this column.
Don't do like most uninformed people and start blaming your lover for not being interested in you. Your problem is the result of something that happened over a century ago. The Love Doctor will explain why your relationship is dwindling away and, more importantly, how to get it cranked up and running again. You know, I'm happy that I decided to write this column. So many of you need so much help.
In order for you to understand that neither you or your mate is truly at fault for the lack of luster in your relationship, we will have a little history lesson. One cause for couples drifting apart today was something that happened over a century ago. You see, there was a period in history called The Industrial Revolution when the invention of steam power and mass production caused people to leave their family farms and workshops to take "jobs" in factories and offices.
I'll bet that some of you are already beginning to understand. The intelligence of my readers is both amazing and increasing.
Stay with me now!
Before the Industrial Revolution, most couples and their children worked together as families. Some couples worked together on farms, so they had the crops to talk about, the cows milk, the bugs on the collard greens, when the beans would be picked, and so on. Families who ran shops and stores talked about prices, about what to order for next week, how to get more customers, etc. Not only did these farm and shop couples have a lot to talk about, they also had to depend upon one another in their work. They had everything in common and depended upon one another for support in their everyday work.
Compare the way couples lived then to how they live today. Today we depend on other people for conversation in "our field". Today all we depend on one another for is to pick up the kids or put out the garbage. We find ourselves depending on the people we work with in order to keep our jobs and support our lifestyles. Even those of you who are reading the column for the first time should understand now.
You see, once many couples accomplish the initial goal of a relationship, setting up the household, they don't seem to have anything in common because, quite frankly, they don't.
It's really unfortunate that most of you have to leave your lover to earn your living, but some of you make things worse by not even sharing recreational or social activities with each other. In these relationships, since they share all their work and leisure activities with others, the only times the couples talk is when they have a money, child, car or household problem. If all of your conversations with a person deal with problems, pretty soon, you will not look forward to talking with that person.
If there is to be any hope for continued enjoyment of one another outside of the bed room, a couple must have some common interest related to work or recreation or both. There are usually one or two things that both of you can enjoy. Spend more time doing these. If you are workaholics, start a small part time business together. Warning: Some people cannot work together, don't force it.
You don't have to be a victim of history. Understand the fact that the Industrial Revolution changed the way couples live, by separating your work life from your love life. If you think that you can change your work life to include your lover, as Boo and I have done, it may be worth the risk. Find things to get involved in together. Here are a few suggestions: Church, Camping, Fishing, Theatre, Cooking, Gardening, Skiing, Remodeling, Business, Boating, Traveling, Community Activities, Dining, Collecting, Adventure.
Sometimes all you might need in your relationship is a new goal or challenge. Whether we like it or not, the Creator seems to have made men and women so that they are happiest when they struggle together toward common goals which benefit both of them, their children or mankind. Sit down together, dream a new dream together. Pull in the same harness, in the same direction. Suddenly you will have much in common, not the least of which will be mutual respect and admiration.