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#5 - Express Yourself

This week the Love Doctor is going to make you laugh at yourselves. For most of you are guilty of expecting people to read your minds.
The other day, Boo, my own personal wonder woman, was upset by one of the characters on a daytime drama. She shouted at the television, "Tell her stupid!". Evidently the girl on the soap was waiting for guy #1 to tell her he loved her, but she was engaged to guy #2 just in case guy #1 didn't love her. I could tell that Boo was really upset, as she shouted at the girl on television, "And you should just ask him how he feels, you stupid..."

Now most people, hearing these simple comments by my beloved wife would have simply gone their way, perhaps with a smile or light chuckle at how a person could be so upset by a television program, but not your Love Doctor. It takes one with my gift for understanding to realize the hidden wisdom in what "Boo" said to the television set. This week's column looks into the unnecessary suffering we cause for ourselves when we don't speak up. After you absorb this gem of understanding and put it into action, your life will improve immensely and you should become a much happier person.

Why is it that we expect our loved ones to read our minds. Its crazy! Maybe its those old movies or the soap operas or fairy tales, where the "good guy" and the "nice girl" always do and say the right thing at the right time. There must be some reason that so many of you expect people to guess what is important to you and how you want to be treated. Do you walk around feeling miserable because people are not treating you "right" and you refuse to tell people how you feel?

This behavior probably causes more problems between friends and lovers than anything else. Think about it. You get mad because somebody did something that you didn't like and then they get angry because you acted the way you did. (Its amazing how good I am at this, isn't it?)
Just this past Mother's Day, I was speaking to a friend of mine and asked her how she was enjoying her Mother's day. Her voice dropped a bit as she told me that she hadn't yet heard from either of her young adult children. The tone of her voice showed that she was indeed a bit hurt by the lack of attention.

Readers, I just couldn't help myself. My mind immediately analyzed the situation. This lady was a wonderful mother, fully deserving the loving attention of her children. I knew what the problem was. "You must be one of those nice mothers", I told her. "Yea, when your kids forget to treat you right you probably hide your little feelings and say things like, ' Oh, that's all right, It's not that important.'"  She couldn't help but laugh over the phone, for once again, the Love Doctor had hit the nail on the head.

If you don't like the way you are being treated, speak up; do something about it. People can't read your mind. They don't know what's important to you. All they can go by is what you say and how you act.
There was only one "bad" Father's day around the Love Doctor's house. When that particular Father's day had passed without proper appreciation being shown for the magnificent job I had done as a parent, I expressed my disappointment. I "went off". I was ugly for about a week. Since then, my family fully realizes that dad expects to be treated special on father's day.

 I must tell you that it's really nice to feel appreciated, even if I had to teach my family how to show me that I was appreciated. I really believe that my family appreciated me even when they didn't show it. But, now everyone is better off. I enjoy the little extra efforts by my family to make me feel that I am appreciated and my family knows that they are doing something important for me when they show their appreciation.

Some people try to "drop hints", saying little things in conversation that they think other people catch and understand. Hey, some people are as sweet as they can be, but just as dense. Even the Love Doctor has, from time to time, missed a "hint" and bought the wrong gift. You can always tell its the wrong gift because they always say "that's nice".

Hey, if you like flowers, say so. If you don't like her perfume, say so. If you hate ties and socks for gifts, say so. If you want breakfast in bed on your birthday, say so. There ain't no crystal ball with your name on it, only people who care about you and want you to have what you like...     ...if they only knew.

Copyright 2012 by Lloyd Dennis